Struggle to be Positive

I have been having a bit of a struggle. I had to return to work after Thanksgiving and I was okay, Christmas was soon after. Now there isn't a break until April... I am literally counting down. I didn't know how hard it would be! Graham is amazing! This makes leaving him, well, awful. I hate it! I miss him so much! I have a profession that I love. A job I can learn in and it changes everyday. It pushes me and I love it or... I used to. Of late I hate it - not the job exactly but the part that takes me away from my little boy. This has not made me the best teacher... or person.

So I have decided to make a change. No, I cannot stay home with him now, probably not for a few years, I need to find a way to make it better as things are. I have decided to follow Grandma Shirley's advice of being positive (she has said this my whole life to anyone and everyone) For the most part I tend to be a positive, happy person but leaving Graham made it hard. Now, instead of hating the minutes away from him, I am going to be positive about where I am and bring it home to him. I know it sounds a little ridiculous and simple but it is helping. I have more energy and don't worry as much about things I cannot change. I am not great at it all of the time and I still miss him like crazy but I am a nicer teacher and I do see more that they do right instead of wrong. Graham is happy and with people who love him and enjoy him too. I think it also makes me feel less guilty about completely focusing on him when I am home. No work comes home and my house may look like a tornado has gone through but it just doesn't matter as much as watching him.

Steady

Graham is almost 3 months old already! I cannot believe how fast it has gone. I promise more pics are forthcoming. I just had to say a few words about our little guy. In his short 3 months, Graham has complete control of both of his parents. I really didn't know I would love being a mom so much. I am in love! What's more, watching him with Mark makes me fall more in love with him each day too. Graham has brought a spirit of peace and love to our home that resides with us wherever we go. He has changed us.

Yesterday, Mark and Dan were competing for high scores with the Wii fit balance games. (A recent obsession of theirs) Mark just holds Graham while playing and I heard Dan tell him it wasn't fair that he is steadier with his son in his arms. It really made me think. I believe that is largely true of most people. We all have our times when we are irresponsible, shaky, or inconsistent and those don't necessarily go away with a child but (at least from my perspective) we do become steadier. We try to be that strong, reliable foundation for our child. We are steadier with them in our arms. I then thought of our Heavenly Father and how steady He really is. If one child can change an imperfect being toward steadiness, then how incredibly steady is our perfect Father? Neat! I find myself thinking a lot more about spiritual matters. I want to be better so I will be the kind of mother this perfect little guy deserves.